What's Your Resolution

By Edocsil

Well its December, so I was holed up at home ignoring my parents persistent complains about the loud music I play and scheming. About what you ask? Nothing devious, just plans of extorting enough money in the name of Christmas so that I can buy all that I deem necessary for my existence (that would be a bean bags and stuff like that). Anyway I was staring an Facebook and pondering when I chanced upon a bunch of new year resolutions (people wishing to be 8 pointers this time…study hard…blah…blah…blah..!!!). The gentle critic in me just couldn’t resist the temptation of writing something about New Year resolutions after that (believe me when I emphasize on gentle, some of my dear friends would have been brutal).

Anyway here are a few New Years’ resolutions for college students. I didn’t make them up; I found them on some career guide site. Yes I’m jobless and yes they do dish out such crap. So here we go:

8.  “I will respect all elders”

Let’s see how u can stick to that one?? You will be breaking that resolution right after the first test.

7.  “I will not litter”

Ahem ahem…I gona steer clear of this one (personal reasons)

6. “I will read more literature”

Did u know? Chetan Bhagat’s books don’t really count as literature, and if you are planning to read the twilight series, well may god save your soul.

5. ‘I will lose weight”

Seriously, if you have gained weight in college you’re a gluttonous dim wit, with no taste mind you. You are doomed to rot in hell. ( For further info call Dante, he got an express tour of hell.)

4. “I will cut down my expenditures”

Hmmm…if you really want to do that I suggest you don’t pay your mess bill. If you’re already employing this divine strategy to boost your coffers this resolution is gonna screw your happiness. So best of luck with your miserable life this year.

3. “I will attend classes”

I have nothing to say.

2. “I will pay attention in class”

All the best buddy, hope you get to class first.

1. “ I will prepare for life after college”

Man, pass the first set of minors without cooking up insane plans to annihilate the campus. We can talk about life after college after that.

So the moral of this discussion would be: “ Keep your resolutions close to your heart and away from your facebook status updates, saves you from the pain of coming up with innovative excuses when you screw up.”