By Nishant Boorla
Military veteran Joshua Price, 26, was arrested in March after police in a Chicago suburb found child pornography and 1,700 photos of dismembered women on his computer, but at a court hearing in May, Price explained that his photographs were a necessary escape from war-related trauma.
1) Ok first off, in what universe is a 26 year old a veteran by any stretch of imagination. He’s a veteran at taking a dump. Sure, we all are! He breathes and what not but a military veteran?
2) So to wipe away images of dismembered men on a battlefield he needed photos of dismembered women? How is that a step up? And how does child pornography help? I’m pretty sure Captain America doesn’t come home after a war and go - “ok where’s my 6-pack of beers and where are those naked kids?!”
3) That’s a dumb-ass cover up story Mr. Price.
4) The Price is not right.
5) Sorry the previous point was my bad. Couldn’t resist.
1) Ok first off, in what universe is a 26 year old a veteran by any stretch of imagination. He’s a veteran at taking a dump. Sure, we all are! He breathes and what not but a military veteran?
2) So to wipe away images of dismembered men on a battlefield he needed photos of dismembered women? How is that a step up? And how does child pornography help? I’m pretty sure Captain America doesn’t come home after a war and go - “ok where’s my 6-pack of beers and where are those naked kids?!”
3) That’s a dumb-ass cover up story Mr. Price.
4) The Price is not right.
5) Sorry the previous point was my bad. Couldn’t resist.
In fact, Price told prosecutors that were it not for the distracting photos, his stress disorder would surely have caused him to kill his wife and two daughters. (Prosecutors accepted that Price’s crime was a “cry for help,” but the judge, less impressed, quadrupled Price’s bail, to $1 million.) [Chicago Tribune]
1) He’s not helping his case one bit. Should have just lied to the prosecutor.
2) Simulated fake conversion:
Price: Hello? Is this the Insurance company?
Insurance Company: Yes. Hence our call waiting message “your call is on wait. By the way, you’ve called an INSURANCE COMPANY”. How can I help you?
Price: I need $1 million for posting bail. Is there anything you guys can do to help me out?
IC: Well if your wife and two daughters die you’d get a million dollars.
Price: Wow I’d get a million dollars if I kill my wife and 2 daughters? Really?
IC: Wait, you’d really do that? Wow you’re messed up!
1) He’s not helping his case one bit. Should have just lied to the prosecutor.
2) Simulated fake conversion:
Price: Hello? Is this the Insurance company?
Insurance Company: Yes. Hence our call waiting message “your call is on wait. By the way, you’ve called an INSURANCE COMPANY”. How can I help you?
Price: I need $1 million for posting bail. Is there anything you guys can do to help me out?
IC: Well if your wife and two daughters die you’d get a million dollars.
Price: Wow I’d get a million dollars if I kill my wife and 2 daughters? Really?
IC: Wait, you’d really do that? Wow you’re messed up!
Moving on to current affairs:
The Centre on Thursday tabled the Lokpal Bill in the Parliament. The civil society hit the roads protesting the government draft. They burnt the draft Lokpal bill, inviting criticism from the Congress that they were insulting Parliament.
1. It’s actually the other way around. It is in fact the Parliament that’s insulting the collective intelligence of the entire nation!
2. That’s not all the parliament does though. They also embarrass the nation. BIG TIME.
4. Seriously, if being embarrassed were to be an Olympic sport Indians would romp home with Gold coached ably by our Parliamentarians.
5. When droughts and farmer suicides were pressing issues, Parliament was busy talking about why Ganguly was dropped from the Indian side.
Prime Minister Manmohan Singh on Thursday said China has given an assurance that the dam it was building on the Brahmaputra river in Tibet will not harm India’s interest and “we trust” its statement.
This was China’s actual statement: “ 诶 艾弗
1. It’s actually the other way around. It is in fact the Parliament that’s insulting the collective intelligence of the entire nation!
2. That’s not all the parliament does though. They also embarrass the nation. BIG TIME.
4. Seriously, if being embarrassed were to be an Olympic sport Indians would romp home with Gold coached ably by our Parliamentarians.
5. When droughts and farmer suicides were pressing issues, Parliament was busy talking about why Ganguly was dropped from the Indian side.
Prime Minister Manmohan Singh on Thursday said China has given an assurance that the dam it was building on the Brahmaputra river in Tibet will not harm India’s interest and “we trust” its statement.
This was China’s actual statement: “ 诶 艾弗
‘Sex and the City’ director says no to prequel
1. Isn’t a prequel supposed be the story that precedes the story of the original? How can they make a sequel when the original movie had no story?
2. You know as well as I do that given a chance, they would kill to cash in on the franchise and make a prequel. Sadly though, it’s hard enough making those 40s and 50 something women look their age, a prequel would by that logic demand an Avatar like production budget for special effects alone.
3. Girls I know tell me this movie is about women empowerment and sexual liberation of womankind.
4. First of all enough with the word “womankind”. It’s been thrown around by women for more than a decade and it’s still not a thing!
5. Secondly (weird that the 5th point starts off with the word secondly) if a woman is 50 years old and still hasn’t found means to empowerment and is still on the lookout for sexual liberation it’s time to stop! Marry Hugh Hefner, at least that’ll get you a truckload of property within a week!
6. Yeah you read that right. These days Hefner has the life expectancy of a Mayfly!
2. You know as well as I do that given a chance, they would kill to cash in on the franchise and make a prequel. Sadly though, it’s hard enough making those 40s and 50 something women look their age, a prequel would by that logic demand an Avatar like production budget for special effects alone.
3. Girls I know tell me this movie is about women empowerment and sexual liberation of womankind.
4. First of all enough with the word “womankind”. It’s been thrown around by women for more than a decade and it’s still not a thing!
5. Secondly (weird that the 5th point starts off with the word secondly) if a woman is 50 years old and still hasn’t found means to empowerment and is still on the lookout for sexual liberation it’s time to stop! Marry Hugh Hefner, at least that’ll get you a truckload of property within a week!
6. Yeah you read that right. These days Hefner has the life expectancy of a Mayfly!
I’m nervous about my TV debut: Sanjay Dutt
1. If it helps, I’m nervous about his TV debut too.
2. That’s all I have to say about this.
2. That’s all I have to say about this.
Animal protection groups protest against “Khatron Ke Khiladi”. FIAPO shot off a letter to Naresh Chahal, director (finance) of the Broadcasting Content Complaints Council (BCCC), on how the show has been airing stunts involving leopards, lions, crocodiles and ostriches.
1. So it’s ok to have humans jumping bikes through fire but if a horse is made to sit on a stool all hell breaks loose.
2. Given a chance these activists will demand low fat juice to be included in the lunch menu of the horse.
3. It’s a horse! There is no “lunch menu”. We have grass and a pale of water. No not water that was bottled at the source in the himalayas, water that somehow found its way through the plumbing at the studio.
4. Low fat juice? Animal rights groups, if you’re listening I assure you the horse isn’t watching it’s weight. The horse isn’t crazy like you. It didn’t grow up thinking Sex and the City and Legally Blonde are classics.
5. No horse alive has read Black Beauty. They don’t give a shit about ethical treatment. They just want 4 square meals of whatever grass is around.
2. Given a chance these activists will demand low fat juice to be included in the lunch menu of the horse.
3. It’s a horse! There is no “lunch menu”. We have grass and a pale of water. No not water that was bottled at the source in the himalayas, water that somehow found its way through the plumbing at the studio.
4. Low fat juice? Animal rights groups, if you’re listening I assure you the horse isn’t watching it’s weight. The horse isn’t crazy like you. It didn’t grow up thinking Sex and the City and Legally Blonde are classics.
5. No horse alive has read Black Beauty. They don’t give a shit about ethical treatment. They just want 4 square meals of whatever grass is around.
Disclaimers:
* Headlines were taken from various websites across the internet.
* I mentioned horses eating grass a lot. If that’s not all they eat then I apologize for my ignorance and any hurt sentiments.
* Headlines were taken from various websites across the internet.
* I mentioned horses eating grass a lot. If that’s not all they eat then I apologize for my ignorance and any hurt sentiments.
Nishant Boorla
Sarcasm means the world to me. Yeah that's always a good place to start. I watch movies...a lot of movies! Sports nut and a die hard Manchester United fan. Highly opinionated and that shows in my articles.
Sarcasm means the world to me. Yeah that's always a good place to start. I watch movies...a lot of movies! Sports nut and a die hard Manchester United fan. Highly opinionated and that shows in my articles.
