Think of a poor little thin girl with great dreams and aspirations about one day meeting the one perfect man....
Think of the geeky, dark, young man who has accomplished everything in life, a great GPA, a scholarship, made his parents proud, everything, except finding the right girl...
This column is not for them.
This column is to tell you all the things that you must not do, in order to have at least a shot left at a stilted, short-term relationship which is probably the best bet you’ll get, so read on...
DISCLAIMER: All the opinions expressed in this column are strictly those of the author, and are not in support or bigoted against any political, religious, or racial agenda, since the author cannot be bothered to care about such things. And the world would be a better place if it remained that way.
Question #1
What should one follow??
Heart or Brain?
- The thinker
My dear thinker, you have stumbled onto one of the great questions that has prevailed upon mankind for thousands of generations. However, after having carried out intensive research on this subject (using a cork, a paper knife and a bottle of wine), I have come to the conclusion that if you want to get married someday. (frankly, you have to, you’re soppy and sentimental, its either that or a brothel), you should stop asking such questions and focus more on real life, (as depicted in leading romantic novels and movies),
And I’ll answer your question if you can answer mine,
What came first? The food or the bill? (You’re at a famous Delhi restaurant)
All the best.
- Dr. .................
Question #2
Hi, I’m 21, I’m attractive, of medium height, and conservative by nature. Why do I have trouble finding a boyfriend? Please help.
-Sincerely, Meenakumari. (Meena to friends.)
Ans. Well, Meena (I can call you Meena, right?) first of all, six feet five inches isn’t medium height. You should stop looking down on people. Plus, you say you’re attractive. That is just plain wrong. So, you need glasses.
#Question #3
Hello, respected and wise doctor. There is a girl that I really like (I think), and I will be asking her out three months ago. However, in a discussion with my friends, I have come to the conclusion that I can either have her or a sense of humor. What do I do? How do I choose between the two? Please help.
-sincerely yours, the superpower.
Dear er, superpower,
Frankly, my dear, we don’t give a damn.
If anything, this question is rather pointless. You don’t have a sense of humour.
So, stop worrying. Try smoking, drinking and weed.
-All the best. The doc.
#Question #4
I am a 22 year old guy. I am tall and smart. I study in a top engineering college, but whenever I like a girl, soon she gets committed to someone else? I am very confused. Is it because I am too good for them and they get scared? I feel jealous when I see stupid jerks with girlfriends. What should I do?
Frankly, my dear, we don’t give a damn.
If anything, this question is rather pointless. You don’t have a sense of humour.
So, stop worrying. Try smoking, drinking and weed.
-All the best. The doc.
#Question #4
I am a 22 year old guy. I am tall and smart. I study in a top engineering college, but whenever I like a girl, soon she gets committed to someone else? I am very confused. Is it because I am too good for them and they get scared? I feel jealous when I see stupid jerks with girlfriends. What should I do?
Ans. Do yourself a favour and have crushes only on lesbians.
