By Agent 112
Dear Sonia Madame,
I am sure that by now you are aware of the information circulating about you on the social networking sites, after all your son is hardly working and after wasting the taxpayer’s money on NSG protection and what-not hasn’t been able to revive Congress’s fortunes in UP! I wouldn’t verify any of the following allegations or claims, as my employ effectively depends on me keeping my mouth shut but I mention them to remind you of the information we hold, which could dissuade your efforts to sabotage us and by we and us I don’t refer to single group of people but to the collective masses at large. We are after all a nation of 120 crores; which is 1.2 Billion in case you don’t know.
Now that we have got these minor details out of the way, let’s get to the crux of what this letter is about. To be very frank and keep all references to your bureaucratic absence of incentive to do anything for your country to the minimum (albeit it be an adopted nation of yours or rather been forced upon you in all the wisdom possessed by the Late Shri Rajeev Gandhijee), I would like to simply state that your presence in India is unwanted by some; or many depending upon the way you look at it. Now, I understand you might be wondering if I am merely trying to lay down insults. However, that is what the liberal minded opponents of yours might think and I would dissuade you from any such interpretation of my words and implore you to take this as constructive criticism.
It actually isn’t even criticism since I am a great admirer of yours on account of your great tact in dealing several political crises and also on account of your unparalleled ability to avoid all mud stains that most of your lapdogs have acquired over this period of eight years. I am reminded that each time I take my dog out for a walk during the rains there is generally mud or dirt all over my pants, which you have rather miraculously avoided. You have walked blamelessly without the dark stains of coal on your sleeves, nor was your BP elevated by the radio waves of the 2G spectrum scandal. I am astonished by the skill with which you distanced yourself from the Andhra Pradesh government which has had multiple brushes with corruption. However those I cite here are cases that have surfaced publicly and as my extremely reliable sources tell me that all these are just the tip(s) of a mammoth iceberg.
And then there is the issue of citizenship, that of your esteemed self and that of Raul and Bianca as popular media has put it. Yes, I am aware of the circular{#J-15021/6/2012} that you passed via the PMO which was to squash all talk of Rahul Baba’s and Priyanka Biwi’s Italian citizenship. However proof of this is not of the highest importance because here in India even lies repeated often enough become the truth for the masses, and your propaganda campaign has done just that. I also remember with much regret what the father of Mrs. Indira Gandhi and our first Prime Minister had said: “Citizenship consists in the service of the country”. This service that was spoken of by your ancestor in-law is something that you are yet to completely grasp and fathom but perhaps it is not your fault but that of your party which failed to educate you.
I also would question you on your intent and by extension the ramifications of your possible occupation the PMO as was suggested by the UPA and the Congress. You see, although the constitution does allow it, do you really think the grass-root Congress workers will fall for this hoax? I wouldn’t be astonished if in some short time of your being declared the PM, to see cartoons surfacing in the media; but I will be curious towards your reaction to them, would you go the Didi way or that of your beloved Mr. Sibal?
I am very sorry to hear that the next PM could very well be Raul because contrary to the stringent requirements for us civil servants, a person who in his time failed Grade V is being projected as the heir apparent of the second highest office in India, at least constitutionally. I would ask you to repair these inconsistencies but I am also aware that you wouldn’t do so even if your life depended upon it. Thus to demonstrate your inaction
and inaptitude the letter is open to all.
Sincerely,
Agent 112
IB
Note: The narrator is an officer of India. Kindly do not enquire as to his identity.
