By Harsh Joshi
Like all things in life, she herself is sometimes bittersweet. I have had the opportunity of experiencing the sweet as well as the bitter parts of life but believe that I have had the larger part of bitter. I consider myself depressed, existing and battling with a plethora of emotions that I just want to be suppressed and never thought of. Yet I cannot complain because life has been good, it has been fulfilling and has helped me grow as a person. I am sure the topic has been written about and that people have explored all that is to be seen and felt. I’m aware they must have done better jobs at writing about depression than I will be able to, but out of a curiosity for writing and a hope that writing about it will help me understand and hopefully to overcome this condition, is the reason I am writing.
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| Photo credit - Aman Wilson |
I have no idea how I got depressed in the first place. Nor do I remember when and where this happened and to be most truthful I don’t know if at all what I feel is depression, but I do know that the gnawing pain and fear that I feel can’t be normal let alone healthy. The mental anguish of having to live another day, the constant thoughts of death and the tens if not hundreds of ‘Goodbye Letters’ to parents are all simple examples of an unpleasant state of my mind. Then again, what do I have to be depressed about? Granted that everybody has problems but they all don’t succumb to these thoughts,op do they? And where exactly in all this do the notions of grandeur that sometimes appear fit in? The projections of limitless achievement and happy times; what role is theirs?
Well, a bit at a time. I really cannot describe how feeling bad feels like, at least right now when I am feeling good. Thankfully.
May the Stars Watch Over You.
