Smile

By Pankti Dalal

They say they love my smile, but what they fail to see is the endless nights of crying that have gone in, to perfect that smile. They say I am a happy person and that I make them feel loved, but yet it’s ironic of how they easily assume I have no problems.

Photo credit - Anoop Nagendra

The love of my life is man who does magic with his words. His ability to write could easily make any girl fall madly in love with him, just the way I did. They say he is destined for greatness and he has a promising future. I smile and agree with everything, and believe strongly myself. But everything comes with a price. In order for my confidence in him to “become something famous”, I need to let him go.

It hurts that going abroad and studying for four years in order to pass that first stepping stone to his successful life he has to leave me behind. And I’m sure going abroad is definitely a better future, than loving me. It makes me wish I never loved him.

His eyes seem so misleading so madly in love with me, my every action has an effect on him, I make a difference to his life, he loves me, and he does; Just not enough. No one would ever leave everything behind and spend every passing day with me.

Well, if anyone who reads this will think I am a hopeless romantic, which I am. And perhaps I am over reacting but nothing changes the fact that it kills me every day to smile.

Every time I see that sparkle in his eyes when he sits to fill his applications, the same eyes that light up every time I tell him I love him. His arms that I spent the last two years in with comfort and warmth now hold innumerable papers practically screaming I am headed for a better life. I just stand there and smile still madly in love with him, nothing has changed since the day I met him except the fact that the foundation of our love now depends on Skype.

I stand there and smile tell him I love him and he tells me he loves my smile, but what he fails to see is the endless nights of crying that have gone in, to perfect that smile. He says I am a happy person and that I make him feel loved, but yet it’s ironic of how he easily assumes I have no problems.