By Sai Nisanth D.
The evening sun seemed obstinate in not going down below the horizon. He had been watching its transition right from the time it burnt bright red till its present color of pale orange, not that it registered in his mind anyway. All of nature’s diverse beauty was lost on him. Neither the sweet sounds of the birds chirping away, nor the melodious evening breeze, nor the golden color of the sky, stirred any form of feeling in him. He stared down at the hustling river flowing a hundred feet below the cliff on whose edge he stood. He imagined how it would feel when his body hit the piercing rocks that stood towering over the waters. All he was sure of was that his lifeless body would sink into the bottomless depths of the river never to be seen again. Two steps…two steps, a hundred feet free fall and death would embrace him. He wanted no more than to welcome it with open hands.
As he contemplated his next move all those wonderful and seemingly timeless meetings he had with her at this very place came flooding back to him. Jane-the only girl he had ever truly loved. He had gone through the intense trauma of watching helplessly as the car hit her just as she was crossing the road to get to him. He had made up his mind-a world without her was not worth living. He had decided it was time to end the pain once and for all. He took one step forward…he was not scared...but he still couldn't block her out of his mind…what if he survived somehow? No he couldn't allow that-he wanted no favors from the death gods. For a second, half his body was in mid air toying with his other half to follow suit; he struggled with himself but his body just wouldn't budge and he pulled back. “F*ck” . He cursed out loud.
A week…2 weeks…a month…3 months. He was back to square one. He had tried many times in the interval. Google had provided a few innovative ideas even. He had nearly died laughing at them. But he just couldn't get himself to do it. Life had not been kind to him the last few months, he had not been kind to himself rather. He had more drinks than all of his friends combined-surprising given that he had never touched alcohol in his life before her death. When even drink could not take the pain away, he turned to drugs.
Large chunks of time in his life seemed missing when he looked back at the last few weeks. Drugs-he seemed to have found the perfect respite. Jane.There she stood right in front of him. She was beckoning him to come to her. He laughed at his own insanity. But then again what if it was no illusion? Don’t kid yourself, something told him. He staggered towards her- dizzy and his head throbbing and on the verge of explosion.” My Jane, my only love, please don’t leave me again….”
Eyewitnesses recounted that they could only watch in shock as they saw the drunk lad run towards the speeding car.
